There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
