I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
