Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize