Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
