i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
