Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
farters have to be the big spoon...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
