had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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