Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
