Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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