my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
