I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
