I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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