I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
