Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
