I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
