my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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