saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
