i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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