FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
that may or may not have been my penis.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
