I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
