I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
dude. I can hear the air.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
