This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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