he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
