I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Actions speak louder than pants.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
