Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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