It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
