Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
