I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
