East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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