Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
not ubering you a puppy
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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