we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
