i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
