I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
