im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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