I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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