Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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