Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
