I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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