considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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