I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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