So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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