I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
