I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize