Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
it was like having sex with a tree stump
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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