she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
