lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
