Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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