I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
