i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
