Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
