So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
home. puking in laundry basket.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
