How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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