Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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