Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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