So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
