So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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