Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just threw up on my dentist
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
