at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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