drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Mom said you looked used
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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