Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
