wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
