I cannot find my penis.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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