Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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