Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
