You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
