so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
