Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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