So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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