i don't like sucking hair
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
