I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
