Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
