Old men and throwing up are my life now.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
