Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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