dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I look better un-naked...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize