3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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