whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
